Dating outside your type

Keep those standards--by all means! I like to think that standards, as long as they're within reason, are the guidelines that we call ourselves using as non-negotiables so we can ward off the players and the time-wasters Anyway, so the dating pool gets a little more crowded, but also less appealing. I just may have a solution for you. I believe we all want what we want. However, there is this thing that I see trending in my generation called overlooking. While you can't force yourself to like someone, I have found that sometimes you fall for the personality before you can catch yourself and those have been the most successful relationships that I have seen.

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Instead of evaluating the body or the face that you see--sometimes through your cellular device, not even in person--taking the time to get to know the person before declaring that they're not for you. Hey, they may not be! My point is, if you are compatible and they meet your standards, what's the harm in dating to figure it out?

Or at least entertaining a few conversations of substance let's take it farther than the "wyd's" and the "how are you's". Just because they're not packaged the way that you're used to your significant others being sent to you, doesn't mean that they wouldn't make a great asset to your love life! Besides, if it looks and acts JUST like your previous boo's, wouldn't that make for a higher chance of this one becoming an EX too?

Don't shoot the messenger, but if you want different, you have to seek different and allow different to seek you.


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Let's make one thing clear: I am not endorsing scrubs or title-teasers you know, the type that make you think you'll have a relationship, but never actually commit. We left all of those, and others related, in So this year we are seeking more for ourselves, which is why I'm telling you now to get out of the habit of accepting the same ol' thing you've been doing.

If it hasn't worked yet, it probably won't. I keep feeling the need to clarify because I know how easily people create lines to read between.

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There are no hidden messages here, homegirls and homeboys! Adjusting your type calls for raising the bar, not settling for the next one down! The best way to explain would be a comparison: We will use shoes in this example. You find the perfect pair of shoes--cute, affordable, the whole nine yards. BUT the gag is, they're a brand you're not used to wearing. Is that reason enough not to at least try them on for size? We moved to a better neighborhood, built a nice house, and went on vacations. I was no ordinary woman.

The man I sought had to be equally well-educated, ambitious, successful, attractive, and generous.

I also would have preferred that he not want any children and would be happy to help me raise mine since I had so many. Finally, he had to be well-read, close to my own age, and not addicted to television. I froze out the older men who would have been happy to date me. I raised those four kids alone while reading every self-help book I could find and begging every deity I could think of to send me a mate.

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How To Start Dating Outside Your Type

Being open to dating outside your type is not settling. Instead, you buy or rent a place within your means and go on about your business. This is a perfectly reasonable thing to do and most of us are fine with the concept until we consider dating.


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  • Consider what traits add value to a relationship. When you meet someone you really like, that person most likely will need to give up a few items on his or her wish list in order to be with you. He may have wanted someone who loved college football, she may have preferred someone taller.

    There may be unanticipated differences in political opinions, food preferences, or hobbies. No matter what desired traits are being given up, your intended will hopefully choose to be with you, a real person, instead of holding out for someone who possesses qualities on a list. Ideally, he or she will realize that the person their list describes may not exist, but you do.

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    You are here with them now and offering them a chance at love. They can make the most of this chance now, or refuse to settle and relinquish the opportunity to be with you. You let them get away with their subpar treatment of you because of the chemistry you feel, their success, or physical appeal.

    Did you dump that nice guy who was only an inch taller than you for the six foot tall MBA who never had time for you? What about blowing off the sweet but slightly insecure girl for the more mysterious, harder to get woman who ended up cheating on you? I myself finally learned the value of prioritization, and after more than a decade alone found myself with a wonderful man.

    Should You Date Against Your "Type"?

    I feel safe with him, and he lets me know how loved I am every single day. Surface traits are very enticing, but they do not offer much in the way of long-term relationship potential.

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